I will be showing you how I changed the sick sentences into healthy ones. Here are the changes!
Sick sentences:
A man stood in the snow. It was really cold. He wore a coat. It was ripped. He wanted to climb the cliff.
Healthy Sentences:
Frigid, the explorer was a statue as his frozen feet sunk slowly into the crumbling snow. His arms shiver as winter air, blow through the holes of his fleece jacket.
Suddenly, the light of the sun disappears, an enormous ship upon him covers the light. GASP! Stunned, he starts to excitedly climb up the rocky cliff wall, wanting to discover the ship.
My favourite sentence is the first one because I used a metaphor in it, and I have been working on putting them into my storys. What one is your favourite?
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Good moring, Leilani.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your sick sentences which you made healthy. The descriptive language is fantastic, and I too like your metaphor in the first sentence.
Remember to read your work aloud to yourself when you have finished to ensure that it makes sense. Your second sentence is not quite correct.
Let me know if you need help in identifying where.
Well done on fixing those sentences up, Leilani.
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